The discourse - legitimate - encouraging equality between men and women disrupts our sex life, says Catherine Blanc, psychoanalyst and sex therapist. By denying difference, it deprives us of an essential motor of desire: otherness.
Psychologies: The equality of the sexes to which we all aspire would have, according to you, some perverse effects ...
Catherine Blanc: A certain ambient speech advocates that we all be treated and looked the same way. But it is impossible: how can one imagine a woman seeing the world as a man, and a man as a woman? We discover the universe from our body exploration, what we understand and what we imagine we can do. There are, of course, similarities between a boy and a girl, but also a fundamental difference: their sex. This is not intellectual. It's really something we experience in our flesh. And this perception influences our behavior. The discovery of our sexual specificity leads to the awareness of what we are and the renunciation of what we are not. A painful renunciation ... especially for women.
Why is this renunciation more difficult for them?
C. B.: Because the female sex is not external, visible. The little girl fantasizes a hole, a wound, a scar. It nourishes the feeling of not having enough to fill, what to fill, not to have a "object" worthy of interest ... In short, to be castrated penis and the power it assumes. This feeling is part of a devaluation of itself and an idea of powerlessness. Some women will invest their femininity to seduce the man. Unconsciously, they will seek to "recover" the male sex through their partner, and their power over this sex through the desire they arouse. Others, in the denial of this phantasy of castration, will be in search of power, as it is invested socially by the men and through which they hear the virile expression, in order to fantasize identical to them and to feel recognized as they are. These lose the exploration of the specificity and the wealth of their power. They painfully live the confrontation with a reality that returns them to their status as women.
Just because women are inspired by a male role model in society does not mean that they become men in their love life, yes?
C. B.: They never become men, neither in their love life nor in society! They only try to believe it and make it believe. The more these psychic organizations are tenacious and felt as indispensable by their unconscious, the more difficult it is for them to flourish and enjoy their femininity, both in the expression of its social power - which is not the prerogative of man - and his freedoms - eminently legitimate - only in his sexuality.As a result, they get sad, get into trouble in their dealings with men, who send back to them the fact that they are not of their sex and do not want them in this mode, or who want in them only what they want to deny.