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I do everything upside down

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I do everything upside down

I have the impression of doing everything the opposite way. At work, in my relationship, I have the unpleasant feeling of being wrong. Initially, I am happy with my choice but the reactions obtained by my entourage are not the ones I expected. I lack confidence in myself, I plan to do a therapy to understand why I arrived. What kind of therapy will be possible for this? cgbx, 37

Christophe André

Psychiatrist and psychotherapist

answer

I like your lucidity: "I feel like ...". It is likely that in this impression is found a great mix! A mixture of real failures and mistakes (as in all lives!) And what cognitive psychotherapists call a "selection bias".

This psychological mechanism consists in remembering only the moments when the events did not go as desired: we remember for example those mornings where we were late and where all the lights were red, but not from those where all the lights were green. We remember the times when we chose the wrong queue at the supermarket or at the motorway exit, but not when we went faster than everyone else.

As you have clearly identified, it is linked to this lack of self-confidence, which pushes you to focus on everything that is wrong in your life. And that also drives you to feel helpless to change the world around you; it seems to you that you can only suffer it. That's what you criticize indirectly, and in your own way, your spouse.

I think a therapy could help you a lot. For example a cognitive and behavioral approach, centered on these questions of self-confidence, which will help you to better defuse your automatisms of negative thoughts (impression of always making the bad choices) and to be more assertive (express your thoughts, desires, needs ). I'm sure it will help you.

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