If you were told that the life of a couple was a long calm river, it is that you were cheated! Whatever the times, clashes and tensions between partners have always existed. But nowadays it's just more visible than before. However, each couple experiences moments of doubt or arguments that sometimes lead to a temporary separation or not, or the desire to make a break. Many people think that the time is enough to get out of a love crisis, but this reasoning is rather synonymous with aggravation of the latter. If you want to overcome the crisis in the couple and continue your love, you must forget all that we could tell you before and act as soon as possible! But it does not necessarily sound the alarm systematically or worse to say that everything is definitely done.
To regain a love of all tests and put an end to the crisis in your relationship, it is essential that you adopt a behavior that will draw a line on everything you are currently experiencing. It's a two-way job, but one of you must start the process by taking the first step and start reconciliation. Love is a rare and precious feeling that is important to nurture. It is for this reason that I wish to share my method for overcoming tensions.
To get things done, we will have to start a peaceful dialogue and find compromises. Some steps are crucial and the fact of being accompanied by a professional will also help to play down the situation, it is for this reason that a lot of people seek my personal support during a coaching session, especially if your wish is to get out of this bad patch as soon as possible. To give you a taste of my philosophy, I decided to explain the crucial points throughout this article.
Is my relationship really bad?
To share one's life with another person is not only moments of joy and happiness and doubt can very quickly settle especially after some delicate moments to manage.
Indeed, even if you can know periods when everything rolls, being a couple is sometimes synonymous with frustration and that's why you're wondering today "my couple is in crisis?" And you're looking for answers not only to this question but also to how to save your story if you consider that your couple is in danger. But be aware that before acting you must ask the right questions!
And the very first step will seem elementary but it is essential: you will wonder if your couple is really in crisis! Lots of people mistakenly think it comes from the other or find reasons to worry where there is none. So before acting but especially before you hurt yourself by imagining the worst, find out if your love story is really in danger or if things will gradually subside.
Simple argument or is it more serious?
If, a little bit higher, I differentiated the couple crisis a simple dispute is because it is important not to confuse them. A couple crisis is a difficult test to live psychologically, you are afraid of the rupture, celibacy, your nerves are subjected to severe trials, so you should not feel the same for a dispute that has degenerated.
Of course I do not take lightly this misunderstanding but for all that you should not see the pain everywhere and be anxious (e) because of a situation that is of proportions without any real reasons. It is therefore important to make this reminder to guide you as best as possible.
Many people tend to see a crisis where there is none. I assure you all couples go at one time or another through difficult times. Nevertheless, if these disputes are incessant and that the causes are systematically the same it is surely necessary, in this case, to put in place the means adapted to the exit from crisis in the couple.
So is my couple in crisis?
The life together is not always a pleasure simply because even if you have a lot of affinity with your other half, each person is led to think differently from the other. It is impossible to agree on all subjects and you have to be aware of it.
Many themes can cause arguments, from the most insignificant to the most important, such as children's education, financial management and many others. The mere fact of having a slight age difference can also create tensions because we do not think the same way according to our generation. Your expectations about the couple are not the same as your partner's.Nevertheless, if the arguments are the lot of all couples at least once in a while during their relationship, if you find yourself reading these lines is that you are probably going through a more delicate period but it does not do not panic even if you live a a couple crisis.
The most important thing is to make the difference between a marital crisis and a simple dispute. The first of these distinctions, and the most logical, is obviously the duration of the latter. An argument, if you take initiatives without wasting time can be settled in a few days, however, a crisis it requires to act more deeply and is not only settled with an apology and a dinner face to face at which everyone will do honorable amends.
If you consider that the evil is deep, you will have to make efforts of understanding to put your finger on what does not work or more between you.
Understanding the Couple Crisis: The First Step to Moving Forward
How solve a problem of torque while the source of it remains a mystery? This is the question that must be asked to overcome the crisis in the couple. Indeed, before starting any reconciliation strategyit is necessary to know what to fix. Depending on the cause of the crisis your method will have to be adapted. This is a key step in making progress in your love life, yet it is systematically neglected. However, I am aware of the difficulty of the thing especially when the communication is broken with your partner.
It is to fill this gap and to improve the situation that coaching is very important because I can help you personally to better understand the expectations of your half. When living or experiencing a situation, it is difficult to understand the reactions of the other, and this is even more true if the tensions have existed for some time (months or even years) . I even imagine that you do not recognize at all this person you love and that you know the impression of facing a stranger as his attitude surprises you, it is as if you had never shared anything ...
In addition, you live a difficult time, filled with doubts and questions. To be able to answer it, relieve your mind and calmly arrive to begin the reconciliation to know hence the crisis is born is the first step to follow. Without this, you will not be able to understand each other's expectations.
Do not neglect the basics of the couple especially during a conjugal crisis
A couple is a whole made up of two entities, you and your partner. To go well, it is necessary that both pull in the same direction and have the same vision of the future. Sometimes there are discrepancies or even deep divisions that should be removed or at least mitigated. The only way to do this is, of course, through dialogue and communication between partners, but also the understanding of the needs of the other, that is, the person who matters most to you.
You can not neglect your half because if this is the case and it is done over time, there is a significant risk of passing from the box "couple in serious crisis If you take the trouble to consult my site, I imagine that it is absolutely not your wish and on the contrary you envisage to find solutions to your couple problems.
You must therefore seek to understand the expectations of your partner in order to respond permanently. As a coach, when I practice my art and I advise couples in crisisI advocate happiness. To be happy, there is one important parameter to consider. The latter is simple: "I want my companion or my companion to please me".
It does not mean to receive gifts on a regular basis, on the contrary, it would be rather unhealthy to resolve conjugal crises or sentimental problems in this way, but rather by showing to the one who counts in our eyes that the we are determined to change everything simply in order to save his couple. So for that, the first thing to do is to show that one can understand the expectations of his half, to answer and thus to revive the complicity that had probably disappeared.
Then, it will be fashionable to put in place "small actions" that will progressively progress. For this, communication can sometimes be a weapon but it can also play tricks and turn against you. It is therefore necessary to determine the situations in which the dialogue will be your ally and the cases in which it will be necessary to avoid to exchange on the difficulties of the couple.
Understand where the problems come from overcome the crisis in the couple sometimes requires starting a broken dialogue with his / her partner, without hiding behind false excuses.But sometimes it's better to avoid over-indulging or questioning your other half. I come back just below on this essential aspect to adjust the tensions of the life to two.
My couple is in crisis, what to do?
The first thing that will come you the idea or that will be advised to you is to restore the dialogue between you. However, sometimes it is better to avoid trying to open the conversation. I know this will surprise you because you are told everywhere that you have to communicate with your other half when things are not going well. But beware of advice from friends or even recommendations found on the net and delivered by people without any real experience.
Communication is not always recommended during a love crisis and there are two reasons I wanted to introduce you. However, there will be a moment in which you will have to take the lead in starting a serene dialogue and there you have to use the right words to relaunch a minimum of complicity.
To act when one says to oneself my couple is in serious crisis, it is also necessary to show that one can take care of the person whom one likes.
No communication is not the miracle cure for crises in the couple!
Contrary to popular belief, having a dialogue with your partner when tensions are high and have lasted for a while is absolutely not recommended. There are two explanations for this.
First of all, if you start asking him dozens of questions about his expectations of your story, your behavior, his attitude or even worse the reasons for his current distance, you will automatically put yourself in demand , which is not the best position when you want to resed a person. But more than placing yourself a little below your wife or your man during the couple crisis, you risk especially irritate him by being systematically in interrogation.
I suppose that you have already tried to establish better communication and that it did not give anything. This is what disturbs you because you wonder what exactly your half is waiting for and you are destabilized by his rejection attitude. You even have the impression that he or she does not want to save your love story and that it is completely equal to him. If your partner has already behaved in this way you must stop trying to open a conversation this way because you will not get anything if it does not aggravate things a little more ...
The other aspect that I want to stress to prove to you that the communication is not effective on a couple in crisis the needs and expectations of your darling. I explain myself, because I imagine the look that you have in front of your computer! I realize that this aspect goes against what you imagined, but read carefully what I explain to you because then all this will seem totally logical to you!
The more questions you ask or try to capture through long conversations what your wife or companion is looking for, the more you will show her that you do not understand yourself anymore, and that you are no longer on the same length of time. wave. This will reinforce his beliefs that your story is in danger. So you have to stop now this attitude of being in the interrogation almost permanently.
On the contrary, you must show him that you can meet his expectations and that you understand him better than anyone. This involves the use of phrases such as:
- I know I have not always been up to it but everything will change
- I understand your expectations and you will see that I am up to
- Even if you do not see it yet there was a real awareness at home
It is at this point that your conversation should be limited, especially if you are not a great communicator or communicator. Of course, there are special cases and sometimes the dialogue can be good. But if you find that your partner is pointing at you then do not look for dialogue or worse yet negotiation in the couple.
But sometimes it is necessary to establish the dialogue to avoid the pb of couple!
To find a love for all tests and put an end to the crisis suffered by your couple, it is essential that you communicate with your partner on the points you do not like in your relationship. On the other hand, it is important not to wait until the tensions reach their culminating point because to act thus would only put oil on the fire. It is sometimes necessary to anticipate and not wait for the couple to experience difficult moments to start expressing themselves on their feelings.
To start on a solid foundation and revive the flame in your relationship you have to discuss tensions with your partner. If you have taken the distance and decided not to talk to your other half for a few days you must gradually restore a serene dialogue without tensions and without a word on top of each other.
Communication will allow you to share your good or bad emotions with your partner. Exchange your points of view honestly and without ulterior motives will prevent the grudge from gnawing your couple in the future. Communication is the keystone to overcome the crisis in the couple but only when you go early enough!
During this step, you must be able to listen to the remonstrances of your partner without offending you.Your attention and the efforts you will make are paramount to showing that you are inclined to take on yourself. Let him / her finish his explanations and then you can answer. Do not take your words as criticism, but rather as a way to advance your relationship.
After discovering the source (or sources) of the crisis and having a long dialogue, built and sincere with your half you must show that you are ready to overcome the crisis in the couple and to move on.
Your goal, once the discussion is past, is to put in place your actions (yes we must join the acts to the word!) In order not to relive these painful moments. Now you must improve the current situation but also be able to anticipate future conflicts that may arise within your couple.
With a work of understanding and analysis of difficulties, you will be better armed and therefore more able to understand your spouse and meet his expectations. By admitting your discomfort you will show courage because you will go to the solution that requires the most effort. Your partner will be aware and therefore your relationship will take a new start that will make you even happier.
To remedy marital problems do you think about his well being?
The well-being of the couple inevitably goes through the well being of the two partners individually. Forcibly, if one goes bad, it will have an impact on the couple. To prevent one's mood from affecting the mood of the other, one must always adopt an effective way of doing things and inquire about the state of the other, as I present in my book 35 rules to save his couple. Simple sentences are enough but prove to the partner that one takes into consideration his misery, and especially that one is interested in his sufferings. Just going to each other and being friendly can sometimes bring down the tension. You will find here that it is not communication properly speaking because it does not require long exchanges.
A small innocuous question can really change a lot of things. For example :
How was your day at work? (we are interested in worries related to his professional life which weighs equally and on the couple as the work has a preponderant role on the mood)
What do you prefer to eat tonight (we take his opinion into consideration)
Thank you for taking out the trash (we thank his half for doing some chores)
I will read a story to the children you want to come? (we show that we participate in the life of the home and especially we launch an invitation)
As you can see, there is nothing revolutionary about these tips for couple in major crisis. It is even the b.a.-ba of the life of a couple, but over time, these great principles are a little forgotten and it does not hurt to remind them from time to time!
Because if you think about it, you will realize that at the beginning of your relationship, it all seemed absolutely normal to you. It was even a reflex to ask these questions. Simply, over time, habits and routine take over and we may tend to put a little side what seemed perfectly logical a few years back. So advice, go back to fundamentals, that is to say the actions that allowed you to put together and start your relationship, simply.
Learn how to handle problems without getting excited or dramatizing!
All couples go through crises. I assure you it was also the case for the older generations. However, to combat the problems inherent in your relationshipit is important to identify the source of the problem and not dwell on the minor elements.
The actions that need to be put in place when the couple is out of control have to be adapted to the situation. Indeed, if your partner blames you for your lack of communication for example and you invite him to the cinema to show attention, you do not really answer the problem even if the intention is good. When we target the source of the problem we are then able to put in place what exactly the other is waiting for.
Unfortunately, these small problems persist and one day or another, the conflict of the couple is getting bigger. That is why it is important to react quickly and to do everything to solve it without dramatizing the situation or causing discomfort in your partner.
I know you are not specialists in love life and you may not always know how to use the advice. I invite you to discover my ebook that will guide you step by step and enlighten you on the situation. I speak obviously of my work " 35 rules to save his couple ".By flipping through it, you will find all my advice to avoid a break and especially to revive the flame in your couple because you need it!
The phrase to avoid when the couple takes the water
When tensions are at their peak, your only desire is to send everything waltz and you have only one idea in mind to leave far from your darling or of your man, especially do not pronounce this word because it is heavy of consequence ...
This word, or rather these terms, are the ones that can harm your life as a couple once tensions are relieved. You must therefore avoid using them as much as possible and evict from your vocabulary all that relates to the break-up, the separation, the desire to leave everything ... Keep in mind that your goal is not toto aggravate the serious crisis in the couple but to leave it.
The reason is simple, if you have the misfortune to say to your darling or to the woman of your life "it is better that one separates", these heavy words of sense will trot in his head and if you interfering the slightest doubt in his mind on your wish to leave it, it can happen a self-defense reaction. And then misfortune, it will be he or she who will take the lead and decide to leave. It does not matter if you uttered these threats in anger, the harm will be done. It is also likely that another harmful reaction will occur.
By being shocked to hear these words come out of your mouth, your partner or companion may become afraid and adopt a different behavior. And if there is a feeling that does not bode well, it is when one has fear in the stomach because it is then that one starts to act in a completely disorganized and meaningless way.
If you follow this rule for couple in crisisto not talk about the breakup, you can overcome the tensions and make everything become rosy between you. If you ever need help to better understand this aspect, I remain available for a coaching session that will surely allow you to move even faster.
I am ready to stop the crises in my relationship!
Now you're ready to reconsider your relationship because you have put your finger on the main source of all your crises. Be careful not to throw yourself headlong, this is the fundamental error that I observe in the people I coach. You are so affected by the situation and motivated to find solutions that will radically change your attitude.
Unfortunately, your partner has not had the same electroshock and you will also have to adapt at his own pace.
Saving a couple of crises or daily quarrels is not a race against the clock, it is necessary to take your time and move forward with your partner. You can not avoid sinking by acting alone on your side. Never forget that you have to be 2 to go forward ...
Your first goal is to make it clear to your partner that you have had an electroshock which simply modifies your way of conceiving the life of two and that you wish to change your attitude in the couple to bring more serenity.
This word "serenity" is indispensable because it is the opposite of crises and it unconsciously evokes a situation of happiness and well-being. By using it, you will immediately bring a form of security to your spouse. And it is also by being reassuring that one manages to put the other more in confidence and thus to ease tensions.
No need to do more at first! This very first stage of dialogue is simply put in place to get his attention and to show him your news. philosophy of life in the couple "You relay crises in the background and gradually, you can act more deeply.
Couple in crisis: How to overcome tensions forever?
It's enough to change your love life with the support of your partner. Above all, you must avoid making false promises (you know, the ones you can not keep!) Because that is how you give it hope that eventually you will not be able to fill it later. Concentrate on these 3 steps instead.
1 / Change your state of mind to lay a better foundation
From today, I want you to take a commitment to build complicity and a positive state of mind as the basis of your relationship, but also of your daily life. No crisis can be stronger than a smile, a frank communication but also empathic and above all, it is once again a sign of serenity for both of you.
To change your state of mind, you have to focus on the essential, namely the concept of well-being to put aside the mistakes that you can both make in the relationship.
Your role is to keep your smile all the time and to think about enjoying every minute spent with him. You do not only need to do exceptional things like weekends on the other side of the world, but take the time to bring newness to your relationship as well as a more peaceful communication where you have to clearly express your weariness to talk about which is wrong because you also remember the good sides and the complicity that can prevail between you two.
2 / Communicate differently to avoid misunderstandings in the couple
You surely guess, I want to bring back to date the complicity, the laughter, the magical moments and all the positive that you could live before in your couple. This is the moment to hide the negative and give value to your partner.
However, in this step you tend to evoke all your feelings and to smother your partner with phrases like "I love you", "You are the woman (man) of my life", "I miss you too much" ...
By doing so, you think to enhance your relationship and express your love but in a crisis situation your partner feels these sentences with a side effect that is bitterness and nervousness.
Simply because he (she) is going to consider that your couple is not fulfilling and that you hide behind these feelings not to make change durably. So to communicate better I have another directive that will really help you. I invite you to stop transmitting your feelings but simply to highlight "Why do you admire your partner?".
If you focus on it and value it, you will notice that the communication will be much more fluid and natural. Here are some examples :
- I am really appreciative of your professional success, every time you amaze me!
- I find you very elegant with this new outfit, it suits you really well!
- You have extraordinary qualities, I'm proud of being your half and sharing your life ...
The most beautiful gift is not a "I love you" but "You are unique". Think carefully about this way of communicating and adopt it today!
3 / Time, patience and energy to avoid tensions!
The winning trio for defeat all the crises of the couple is not always easy to apply. You would like to be able to find a magic complicity between you quickly but you will have to take your time because I know from experience that these daily conflicts have not settled in just a few days ...
Patience and positive energy are two very important concepts that will allow you to give your partner the guarantee that you are about to change and change your habits. This is how you can change your change in the long term and provide the guarantee to your partner that all crises will be well behind you.
In fact, to save your marriage, you have to prove a real change and not simply pass on your ideas to your spouse. You must act on the duration and with the right attitude to take full advantage of the situation.
It is for you, the guarantee of not leaving any more room for crises and to modify your life of couple for a happiness on a daily basis.
Seizures in the couple are not inevitable! You must do everything to never let them take too much space and destroy your relationship. It is through reflection but especially the action that you can find happiness in two and reform the beautiful couple you were.
Beware of false starts for short relationships, tensions can really impact your couple and you would have to take a distance by avoiding too much to see you in order to limit these crises. If on the contrary you are in a long relationship, and even if there is a strong attachment, you must take the right measure of the current crisis. To go further and put an end to tensions, I refer you to my ebook 35 rules to save your couple that you will find in the shop, or to a personalized coaching that will allow you to get the perfect course of action according to your situation.
The coach for couples in difficulty